Miss Bitch

Teaching makes me become such a bitch.

It's Wednesday, so I have my lesson (yay!), but today I also had a couple of other mini-lessons with smaller groups making 'Slime' (Cornflour + Water + Food Dye... try it, it's ace). I know my "I'm the teacher" time with the kids is short and sporadic, but when they're with me they genuinely behave impeccably. It makes me go warm and fuzzy inside to think about my little darlings sat there in near-silence, beavering away at their work. I felt myself physically ooze with pride when a teacher commented in the staff room today (in front of half the staff), saying that she'd popped her head into the classroom to say something and decided not to disturb me because she was so "wowed" by how well I was handling the class. It's things like this that just make my life.

As I said, my teaching times are short and sporadic, so it's probably relatively easy to control behaviour. I can spoil them with short-term rewards, or lay the discipline on thick without needing to follow it up in later lessons. That's what makes me feel like a bitch... I usually draw a chart on the whiteboard and tally good behaviour points. It's so easy to give them and take them away. "Oh look, I think I'm going to have to wipe another point off your tally! Oh dear." and with one quick swish of my finger their hopes of being House Champion (or whatever it is) are swished away.

The ultimate bitch moment of today however, was when I was with Foundation this afternoon. I was working on the drawing table with groups of children. Yasmin had already drawn her picture, and others needed her place at the table to do theirs, so I asked her to leave. She asked for more paper to do another. I said no, told her to go away. She came and asked again. I repeated no. On the third time of asking I got mad and told her that if Miss C says no, she means it so do not ask again. She stopped and stared dumbstruck at me for a good, long minute, before absolutely bawling her eyes out and crying that she wanted Mummy. Fuck. So, of course, I couldn't back down, and got stuck in one of those internal arguements over whether or not I should hug the little thing... as her cries got louder and louder...

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Rains/Pours Update: Guy With The Girlf called me at midnight and left me a voicemail telling me he'd broken up with Girlf. It happened at the weekend, and he was planning on telling me when he saw me... He sent a few txts after, saying he genuinely missed me etc etc and might visit me in France.
I still think I made the right decision. Girlf or not, I didn't trust him. It's just a bitch that he's so hot.

Today has been really fun.

This afternoon I got, basically, shouted at for laughing at a child. I knew it was going to happen some time or another... A child did something that I found hysterically funny and I couldn't hold back my laughter!
Zack (the 4yr-old "I'm a chocolate penguin with a marshmallow hat" boy) decided to attempt to pick up his sweater with his mouth because his hands were full of lunchboxes, coats and book-bags. It was on the floor and so he fell down, head first, nose-bombing into a tangled mess - complete with hysterical-child laughter. It was contagious; I laughed and laughed until tears blurred my vision! The class teacher merely looked at me sternly and told me it wasn't funny.
But it was! She apologised to me later, for raising her voice. But as she spoke the images of Zack crumpled on the floor re-flooded my mind and I couldn't hold back my giggles. Oops. She wasn't amused.

I've only just returned home after school.
I went shopping for ski-stuff straight from the classroom, and then met Jas for dinner. SushiYA was closed, and so we settled for Italian. It was lovely to gossip and catch-up with my token Asian friend. I then met Tom for a few glasses of wine afterwards and, again, we had a good catch-up (including the story of when I broke up with Andy because of his small, deformed penis). Despite the fact it's been 3yrs since we properly saw each other, it was easy to chat; like we'd never been apart. And we said our goodbyes at just the right time - before we ran out of things to say, or fell asleep due to us both being knackered after work.

A very successful and social evening if you ask me.

Chocolate Penguins and Dead Charlotte.

I tried to explain today, to one of the teachers, why it is I want to teach. I'm not going to attempt to do it again here, because I don't think I could do myself justice. There are many reasons why I know it's exactly what I want to do with my life. But I'm not one of those conventional "I just really love working with children!" people. I mean, yea, I do love working with children, but I don't think it's quite the same as how some people do...

One reason, basically, is that I find them hilarious. Abso-fucking-lutely hysterically funny. The things some children come out with are fantastic! You know that TV programme with Michael Barrymore, Kids Say The Funniest Things? Well, something like that. Except, well, I don't mean it in that I find them cute. I'm probably being quite harsh because I laugh at them. I especially love the really thick kids. Of course I don't actually point and laugh, I just snicker to myself. The other teachers don't seem to have the same sense of humour as me and so I have no choice but to laugh to myself.

In Foundation we have The Sad Book and, if a child is naughty, their name goes in the book with a brief description of what they've done wrong. I love reading it because it's always so entertaining! There have been four entries this week:
Charlie - For lifting Ellie's skirt and showing other boys her knickers. Repeatedly.
Dylan - For smacking Jamie's bottom very hard. Said it was because he'd been naughty and so he deserved it.
Camilla - For stealing 25 "Super Star" stickers from Mrs B's desk and covering her t-shirt with them.
Emre - For trying to hammer nails into the white board and other children's ears after being told by Mrs F that it was dangerous.
How can you not find that hilariously funny?? Come onnn... it's a child, hammering another child's ear! With a plastic mallet! And plastic nails! But no. When I read it and turn to another member of staff to invite them to join in the hilarity, I get shocked faces and "I know... isn't it awful?", instead! I know we're supposed to take it seriously at the time, but what harm is there in laughing about it afterwards, out of the kids' earshot?!

An 8yr old n the playground today:
"Is Charlotte really dead?"
"Who's Charlotte? And why would she be dead?"
"We saw her die, yesterday, on the playground. My dad said she's dead. Can I go to her funeral?"
Turns out Charlotte fainted yesterday. I just loved how out-right the questioning was, with no concern for Charlotte whatsoever.

4yr old Isabel today:
"Guess what, Miss C, guess what?"
{Long pause while I pretend to think.}
"My knickers are right up my bum!"

"Zack, why are you walking funny? Do you need the toilet?"
"No, I'm being a chocolate penguin. With a marshmallow hat."
"Oh, of course, how stupid of me! Carry on!"

The World Gone Mad

This afternoon I discovered my class being taught Baa Baa Black Grey Sheep. You know, that well-loved traditional nursery rhyme? Yea, I was taught it differently too.
I thought it was just rumours being spread about there being a ban on singing Black Sheep, but sadly not.

Baa baa grey sheep, have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full.
One for the kitten and one for the cat,
and one for the guinea pig to knit a woolley hat...

SERIOUSLY?? Has anyone ever seen a grey sheep, anyway?

I meant to ask the teacher at the end of the lesson why the hell she was teaching that version, but I forgot to mention it.

And the award for most fashionable Teaching Assistant goes to...

According to an 8yr old called Bryony; I looked very pretty today.

You'd think that would be a compliment, but the surprised look accompanying the comment left me rather disheartened. I worked with Bryony's class last year and, judging by the shock on her face, apparently this is the first time she's noticed I'm a girl, and the first time I've looked good.

My shoes also got a a fair few compliments from other members of staff. One even asked what size I am as if she were about to ask if she could try them on.

I feel like I deserve a gold star, or a Well Done sticker.

I mean, yippee! - I have shoes that make middle-aged mumsy-types jealous, and I've finally managed to impress Yr3! C'mon!!