Friday, 25 July 2008

Love and Stuff

I should be jumping in the shower right now, and getting my gladrags on so that I'm on time for visiting Becca. However, I was walking home from town in the sweaty sunshine... and thinking. Whenever I walk that route I'm on auto-pilot; my feet just walk it and leave my thoughts to drift elsewhere.

I talked to Becca today about Steve and I. It helped; she understood.
It's not the same, but she's in a similar situation with her ex; they can't live with each other and they can't live without each other. As soon as that little sentence popped into my head when I was talking to Steve, no matter how cheesy and clich├ęd it is, it fitted. Becca and Rob have been on and off for the whole time she's been at university, despite her having various boyfriends and menfolk along the way. I'm not suggesting Steve and I follow that path, but it meant she could understand where I'm coming from.

When Ben and I broke up we tried to say that one day we'd get back together and live happily ever after. One day... when things are different. Well that one day is clearly never going to happen (congratulations to Ben and Liz)! The thought of me bumping into Steve one day, a few years down the line, and rekindling what romance we have is the most perfect thought to me right now. But I also have to be realistic and realise that we both need to move on.
Just no outright goodbyes. Can't we just fade away?

Another thing Becca and I agreed on was that, although it seems horridly grown up and old-before-our-time, it's hard to consider any kind of relationship without being serious about it. As in, we feel like if we start dating someone, there's no point in continuing it if they're not marriage material. I'm not sure where that concept came from, or even if it's entirely healthy, but I just don't want to start anything with anyone right now if I don't think it's going to be serious. Flings just waste time... time I could spend looking for Mr Right.

Ok, ok, maybe that's coming across a bit worse that I intended it to! Men, you can stop fleeing. I'm not planning on tying down the next man that comes along! It's going to be a long long time before I even consider wearing a white dress. You know what I mean though, right?

Anyway, you know me, I'll probably sleep with the captain of a rugby team next week and think nothing of it.

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