How does he do it to me?

This weekend I received a txt that made my heart skip a beat. Palmer got in touch. I've not seen him in over a year. He's just, I don't know; one person that I cannot help but go weak at the knees for. We have silly amounts of history.

You see, I've always put him on an incredibly high pedestal, and I know I shouldn't. I compare everyone to him and can honestly say that I would cheat on most of my ex-boyfriends with him (except Steve). I stupidly think he's too good for me and I'm the luckiest girl alive when he chooses to be with me. That's really unhealthy, isn't it?? But that's what's stopped me from really giving myself to him... Physically, I'm his. We have fantastic sex and I can't stop myself from absolutely melting every time I see him or hear from him. But emotionally... I'm very reserved. I find it hard to relax and be totally myself when he's around because I have an insane need to impress him.

Well, he's just come back from Kosovo and wanted to know if I'll be around this week for us to have a catch up. I, of course, have jumped at the chance to see him again. And now... I really can't wait to see his beautiful face again!
Except this time I'm hoping it'll be different. I'm hoping I'll be different and attempt to actually be myself. I need to realise that he's not all that and that if he doesn't like me for me then he's not worth it.

Why are girls always attracted to the guys that screw them over? He has definitely messed me around repeatedly in the past and yet I'll still happily go back to him... WHY? Because he's hot, damn good in bed, makes me feel special when we're together... ?!?!?!