Thursday, 13 November 2008

Protect The Innocent

Tonight has been absolutely hilarious. I'm not drunk; just slightly tipsy. And noone else needed looking after. Ergo, a positive night out, oui?

Of course, I've been surrounded by middle-aged women:
Lady A* - Possibly in her mid-40s, but acts older. Very reserved. Very serious about her job. Apparently, rarely takes up offers of extra-curricular social events. She realised tonight who my mother is... which lead to her hanging her head in shame and apologising profusely all night. Seriously; if you've not heard me called Miss C[surname] there is no reason why you'd know my mum is the secretary! She couldn't get over it...
Lady B* - Similar to Lady A, she's older than her years. But apparently makes the effort for nights out, despite sitting in the corner and not really 'fitting in'. She's lovley. But left at 10pm with Lady A to ensure they're not tired tomorrow... We're all going to be hungover tomorrow. Get. Over. It. But she's a sweetie so I shouldn't bitch!
Lady C* - In your face. I-am-who-I-am. Showed us her suck-it-in knickers in the middle of the restuaurant by undoing her flies. A perfect example when explaining that the most confident people are often those with the most to hide. I adore her, but I know she's not as open as she'd like to make out. She's probably very similar to me.
Lady D* - As far as I can gather she's in her late 40s, divorced, and now sleeping with 'Frank*'. I know her daughter, and she has a younger son. Frank, apparently, is damn good in bed and due to his prowess, she has discovered that Durex Vibrating Cock Rings only vibrate for 40mins.
Lady E* - A happily married 30-something-yr-old with 4 children. She hasn't had a single epidural and regrets it for all 4 children. She's the youngest at heart (and in mind), and has discovered, similar to Lady D, that Ann Summers Rhythm Riders only last 30mins.
Charlotte - My closest friend due to our similarities in age... The queen of School Gossip, she loves to hear it all; whether it concerns her or not, and loves to tell it; whether I care or not. Today I met her boyfriend/ex-boyf who she is too good for and knows it. I hope they break up before I leave the country so that I can see her finally be happy with somone she is good enough for. Seriously.

Gosh, fingers crossed that they're all too computer illiterate to discover how I've summarised them. Although they're true and not particularly offensive... I'd hate them to be annoyed with me for it.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent! ...they're don't all share the first name Lady, really!

1 comment:

Emma said...

Lol, love this post!
I just nominated you for an award thingy